Under The Raydar.

This Animal Crossing: New Leaf Commercial Manages the...

Fri, 24 May 2013 03:42:00 -0400

This Animal Crossing: New Leaf Commercial Manages the Unthinkable!

It’s actually making me EXCITED to play (and more importantly buy) another Animal Crossing game! Outside of Wii U promotions, Nintendo’s been on a roll with creative advertisements lately what with that awesome Luigi’s Mansion spot just a few months ago as well as…hmm, I guess that’s about it. BUT HEAR ME OUT: This clip for their new installment in the Animal Crossing series is simultaneously compelling AND adorable. I can go on and on about my relationship with this franchise but that sounds dangerously close to work. Long story short, it goes like this: I’m a massive fan of the original GameCube entry (still one of the best video game soundtracks I’ve ever heard), the DS sequel introduced portability and a much needed online component, yet my cheese was left out in the wind with City Folk for Wii. Here’s hoping the fourth time’s the charm.

Thursday’s Download: I’m Getting So Sick Of Writing About...

Thu, 23 May 2013 23:43:00 -0400

Thursday’s Download: I’m Getting So Sick Of Writing About Kirby.

Attention, weirdos out there burdened with the unhealthy desire to wrap your creepy little mitts around any and all things Kirby-related: Today’s list of releases for the Wii U’s Virtual Console reads like a greatest hits of the pink puffball’s 16-bit adventures.This means that not only is there a good chance you already own these titles in some form or another but that you also don’t care and will buy them again anyway. First up is Kirby’s Dream Course: A “golf simulator” that plays more like a really, really weird pool game. I downloaded this a long time ago for the original Wii in a drunken haze and didn’t play past that night so my opinion probably isn’t worth much. But if you want to hear it anyway I’d say this game is kind of lame-o. For a more traditional experience, Nintendo is also serving up Kirby Super Star as well as Kirby’s Dream Land 3. The former being a collection of smaller games who’s structure still has me scratching my head and the latter a critically acclaimed sidescroller that I’ve never played because I keep forgetting that I own it. These two are included in that awesome Anniversary Collection that came out for the Wii late last year (which I reviewed) so if you want to maybe save space on your puny little girly-man hard drive, that might be the option to go with. And speaking of lack of storage space, the full retail version of the 3DS remake of Donkey Kong Country Returns can now be download at the expense of $39.99 and a whopping 17,693 blocks! Anyone who’s played the original for Wii already knows what a great job Retro did reviving this long dormant franchise but is it worth buying again? Based on everything I’ve read, the answer is “Sure, I guess so.”

Well I finally found my favorite gif ever. It’s gonna be tough...

Wed, 22 May 2013 02:46:00 -0400

Well I finally found my favorite gif ever. It’s gonna be tough making myself stop staring at this thing and get some goddamned sleep tonight.

ATTN Wii U Owners: For 30 Cents, Super Metroid Can Now Be Played...

Wed, 15 May 2013 23:50:56 -0400

ATTN Wii U Owners: For 30 Cents, Super Metroid Can Now Be Played on the Crapper!

Believe me, the temptation to leave this post completely blank was pretty strong because HONESTLY what more do you need to know beyond that headline? If any of you require someone to explain, let alone sell you on downloading this 16-bit classic that regularly frequents top games of all time lists then clearly you’ve hit this site by accident. Assuming this is the case, I wonder what it was exactly you were google searching for? I bet it had something to do with aliens, robots and naked ladies didn’t it you dirty perv. Actually now that I think about it that’s not the worst combo in the world. Late at night, my imagination has come up with some pretty gnarly shi-oh WHOA, excuse me. I forgot what we were talking about there for a second. Here, have a look below at the trailer for the one, the only Super Metroid: Now available wherever the Wii U Virtual Console and internet access is available.

T-Minus Five and Half Hours and Counting ‘Till...

Wed, 15 May 2013 21:23:00 -0400

T-Minus Five and Half Hours and Counting ‘Till Midnight…

Hey, The Resident Evil Game That Came Out on 3DS Last Year Now...

Tue, 14 May 2013 00:29:00 -0400

Hey, The Resident Evil Game That Came Out on 3DS Last Year Now Has A BORP Now Has A Free Demo Up For the Wii U Version!

Which actually has me really excited even though I played the F-wording S-word out of the portable original what, 16 months ago now? I gave that initial release a glowing review on my previous website which means a good old fashioned, hard and deep double dipping awaits me when the full version is released into the wild on May 21st. There are even some extra bits tossed in as an incentive for those like myself who are already intimately familiar with this game. New stages and side missions as well as finally being able to play as the ~~hot piece of ass~~ intriguing female character pictured above are more than enough to warrant giving Capcom some more money for something that you might already own. At least I think so. But don’t take my word for it, go on and download it and play for yourself. Or just watch a video clip of the demo below. You know what they say: A Youtube video is worth 167 words and 890 characters.

So the downside is that I had one of the worst nightmares ever...

Mon, 13 May 2013 00:05:00 -0400

So the downside is that I had one of the worst nightmares ever last night. It’s a recurring one, maybe the third or fourth time now. And it’s so incredibly gnarly that it actually makes me a little sick to my stomach thinking about my brain being capable of conjuring up such a ridiculously awful scenario. The silver lining however is that it woke me up at a human hour and I couldn’t get back to sleep. This meant I was able to catch the (one and only) 12pm showing of Jurassic Park 3D!! Woohoo!!

I’d never actually seen a movie in 3D before which I guess might sound kind of weird in this day and age. But once I heard that they were gonna go in and trick out Jurassic Park, I knew that this would be what finally got me to strap on those goggles. As for the movie itself, well come on: It’s Jurassic Park and I loved it. But there was some stuff I picked up on watching it again for the first time in maybe five years or so and now two decades since my original viewing on the big screen.

The following are a few bits that stood out:

- First off, the opening scene with the Raptors being transported is some pretty dark shit and totally awesome. I really dug Australian hunter guy a lot as a kid and the first shot of him holding his rifle looked damn good in the 3D.

- When I finally lose my mind, I’m considering becoming a freak/folk singer/songwriter if only so my stage-name can be Six Foot Turkey.

- When the main theme kicks in as the helicopter approaches the island I actually got goosebumps! I was impressed that the movie was able to excite me the way it did even though I’ve seen it God knows how many times. Nice work there, Johnny Williams.

- But unfortunately or well, maybe not really…the big reveal of the first dinosaurs everyone sees has been tainted forever by the video clip above. All I could hear was that melodica version and what was once an incredibly majestic, soaring moment in cinematic history made me giggle like a 13 year old girl.

- The cartoon everyone watches that explains the DNA source is pretty awful. Actually it bugged me back then too because of the strand character’s terrible accent. I thought that this would have been a good chance for them to show off a bit with the 3D tech but it was surprisingly not tampered with at all. Totally flat. And stupid. Just like my first girlfriend, HEYO.

- The “Real-D” glasses that they give you actually look a lot like the one’s Malcom has on and it was fun to imagine that those are actually what he was wearing.

- The baby Raptor hatching out of the egg is just so distractingly fake looking! Was then, is now.

- Man, Jeff Goldblum is just really really cool in this movie. All of his chaos dialogue is gold and I love watching him flirt with Ellie right in front of poor Grant. It would be great if they made a movie that focused soley on his charact-no wait.

- Hammond is more of a dipshit than I remember. I kind of hate that guy.

- What exactly are Nedry’s financial problems btw? I assume gambling or something but Hammond doesn’t really detail it. Earlier in the movie, for the first time I caught Nedry saying “That was Hammond’s mistake” when telling Dodgson to not get cheap on him. I’m curious! WHAT THE HELL?

- Australian hunter guy talks about “The Big One.” A raptor that dwindled down the pack from 8 to 3. Builds her up really but it doesn’t go anywhere. That would have been a nice touch character wise to have a “boss” raptor in there.

- Most of the effects have aged incredibly well. Both the practical and CG T. Rex still look amazing. The shot of it turning toward Malcom as he distracts it with a flare is just completely believable. Stunning.

- And as terrifying as that scene is, it’s really the shit with the Dilophosaur that creeps me out more than anything else in the movie. Something about the rattle sound and how it looks when he’s sitting in the passenger seat is really upsetting.

- I always assumed that the canister with the DNA tubes getting its own closeup shot while being covered in mud was a setup for something in the next movie. That never fleshed out even after two sequels but who knows? Maybe in JP4!

- The cigarette burned down to the butt that Sam Jackson smokes is some fucking nasty shit

- I was always bummed that Australian hunter guy didn’t get a chance to kick some ass. He seems like he really knows what he’s talking about and I thought he was gonna be the action hero of the movie when I first saw it but nope. He gets chomped up real quick. BOOO.

- Ellie Sattler’s ass. In 3D.

- Speaking of which I don’t think I’m the biggest fan of 3D. It did indeed work really great for some shots (like mentioned above) but every 20 minutes or so I had to take them off mostly because they just kind of sucked to wear. I think I’ll stick to the old fashioned way of watching movies from now on. In high definition Imax digital projections.

- Ellie’s speech to Hammond before she eats the ice cream really feels kind of sudden to me. Something about the dialogue doesn’t seem quite right and it has this sort of “rushed” thing going on. There are a few moments peppered throughout that have the same “should have gone for another few takes” vibe to them.

- And then the movie wraps up really quickly. By the time everyone is in the visitor’s center and the Raptors get taken out by the T.Rex *spoiler alert* it just kind of ends abruptly. I was sure there were a lot more dinosaurs in this movie and less human character interaction and development but I guess I was thinking of part three.

- What sad sack of shit intern had to convert the credits into 3D by the way? And who the hell sits there watching those with their glasses still on?

I know it sounds like I’m complaining a lot here for something that I claim to love but thats mostly because it isn’t as much fun to read about what people liked in a movie, now is it? Jurassic Park is a total classic and halfway through I was making a mental note to run out and pick up the blu ray sometime this week because its so much fun. The 3D works well too but really so does this entire movie, regardless of the dimension

Two Raptor claws up for Jurassic Park 3D.

SNES REVIEW: The Video Game based on Jurassic Park: The Movie...

Fri, 10 May 2013 22:08:00 -0400

SNES REVIEW: The Video Game based on Jurassic Park: The Movie based on Jurassic Park: The Book.

Hey everyone, did you know that Spielberg’s 1993 dino-movie classic was put back into theaters a few weeks ago featuring a fancy new 3D facelift? Oh..uh, me too! I still haven’t gone to check it out myself but from what I hear, the movie is just as effective as ever and the conversion is actually really well done. Maybe I’ll go see it this weekend before my local showtimes go extinct. Haha-eh. Anyway, to celebrate this momentous occasion I’ve gone back and cleaned up my review of the SNES adaptation. And by cleaned up I mean I actually went in, fixed up some grammar, edited some lame jokes and took out a healthy chunk of F-bombs. My God, what’s wrong with me?

Please enjoy:

I never owned or played this game back during its 16-bit heyday but recently came across a copy and the other night decided to finally have a go at the little bastard. The idea was to drink a ton of beer and with the help of our old friends over at gamefaqs, actually try to complete the entire game in one sitting. The following post is a brief visual re-enactment of how it all went down:

Watching Empire on Blu Ray tonight. As close as I’ll ever...

Fri, 10 May 2013 04:05:00 -0400

Watching Empire on Blu Ray tonight. As close as I’ll ever get to a “first time.”

Jesus Christ, it looks like concept art.

Good Luck J.J.

NES REVIEW: Batman 1989 (The Game Based on the Joker Movie that...

Wed, 08 May 2013 04:33:00 -0400

NES REVIEW: Batman 1989 (The Game Based on the Joker Movie that Didn’t Kill Heath Ledger).

Back in the summer of ‘89 you couldn’t flush the toilet without seeing a bat symbol. The colorful old 60’s series was playing in endless rotation, action figures, t-shirts and ball caps were standard issue for any and all grade-schoolers, and that smokin’ hot Prince chick was doing the bat-dance nonstop on MTV. I was only 9 years old at the time and needless to say took Batman any way I could get him. I only managed to see Tim Burton’s first crack at the character in theaters once that Summer (for my Birthday) but went on to tell tales out in the schoolyard the following September of having never blinked once during the entire run-time. Back then even more so then now, the dark knight was a huge deal not just to me but the human race as a species. So a video game based on what at the time seemed like the biggest goddamned movie ever was a no-brainer and for the most part Sunsoft did a good job. Batman for the NES delivers fast paced action with tight controls, great music and solid level design. Even though for the most part, it has nothing to do with the actual movie.

Bat Click to Bat Read More!

Club Nintendo Update: “You Got Your RPG in My Mario...

Mon, 06 May 2013 22:06:25 -0400

Club Nintendo Update: “You Got Your RPG in My Mario Game!”

Buckle up everyone. As of right now Club Nintendo has a fresh crop of virtual console games with which to toss your hard earned coins at if you feel like it. Square’s SNES classic Super Mario: Legend of the Seven Stars is clearly the big name of this batch but its also a game that anyone interested enough probably already owns in one form or five. However if by chance you’ve never heard of this game before, please, send us a comment detailing how the hell you found this website. Other titles to choose from include some weird WiiWare puzzler from 2008 called Ma-Bo-Shi’s Arcade (?), there’s Art Style: AQUIA (!?) for the 3DS as well as 3D Classics: Excitebike. The last of which was briefly offered as a free download for early adopters of Nintendo’s portable way before that whole ambassador program fiasco. I’m sorry, come again? Why aren’t there any Wii U virtual console games up for grabs? Well, I mean…uh technically you could spend the 200 coins to download that Mario RPG thingie with your U running in “Wii-mode” and play it that way if you want. It won’t be in HD of course and will be lacking off screen gameplay but if you got it now, in theory when the game does get upgraded you’d be able to redownload at the $1.50 discount price and HEY! Look over there!

Just got back from Iron Man Three (If the movie itself spells...

Sun, 05 May 2013 02:38:00 -0400

Just got back from Iron Man Three (If the movie itself spells out the number, so do I) and wow. I don’t want to hype it up for those of you that haven’t seen it yet but I can’t believe how goddamned hysterical it was. Shane Black and RDJ knocked that dialogue right out of the park. I love, love, LOVED it. It kicked 100% of my ass and this is coming from someone that could really give two shits about Iron Man or Marvel anything in general. AND its a Christmas movie!? Instant classic right there. Oh and Rebecca Hall has a new stalk-er, I mean fan. She has a new FAN.

May the Fourth be with you everyone. Always. Click here for a...

Sat, 04 May 2013 03:50:02 -0400

May the Fourth be with you everyone. Always.

Click here for a look at the rest in this incredible poster series by Olly Moss.

My vote for the best desk top wallpaper ever.

Fri, 03 May 2013 21:05:24 -0400

My vote for the best desk top wallpaper ever.

Nintendo President Iwata Loses Damn Mind. Implies Game Delays...

Wed, 01 May 2013 00:00:17 -0400

Nintendo President Iwata Loses Damn Mind. Implies Game Delays Result in a Higher Quality Finished Product.

In Iwata’s most recent court proceedings with investors, he was faced again and again with variations of the same 2 questions: “Why are there no good Wii U games yet?” and “Where is our money?” Sweat trickling down the young president’s face, he replied with a notably shaken yet lengthy explanation. Highlights of which you can read in bold:

“As there has been a downturn in the video game industry for the past two years, some, specifically in the U.S., say that video games themselves have entered a difficult phase. This is probably due to two elements.

Miiverse Can Now Be Accessed Through Any Web Browser. “Should...

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 01:52:44 -0400

Miiverse Can Now Be Accessed Through Any Web Browser. “Should Have Been There Since Day One” Says Internet Stupid Head.

Well, the headline says it all. Its now possible for Miiverse users to browse the feature anywhere the good old internet is available. Certainly not the most life altering event to come along but a welcome function as I can never run out of ways to kill time when I’m supposed to actually be working. The really cool part is that we have access to screenshots that we take in the games we play. I know this is something that has been easy to accomplish for years amongst more tech savvy nerds than I but hey, just let me do my thing. In fact, here…have a look at some shots I’ve taken these past few months:

Welp. Turns out: BREWER FAN.

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 18:17:49 -0400

Welp. Turns out: BREWER FAN.

Wii U REVIEW: Need For Speed: Most Wanted Makes F-Zero GX Look...

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 05:04:00 -0400

Wii U REVIEW: Need For Speed: Most Wanted Makes F-Zero GX Look Like a Slow Ride to Grandma’s House.

Burnout 2: Point of Impact was a jaw-droppingly cool high speed arcade-style racing game from 2003 that rewarded players who weren’t afraid to live a little dangerously. It’s the only racer developed by Criterion that yours truly has ever had the pleasure to experience despite the fact that this studio is known for creating a number of critically acclaimed entries in the genre for both the PlayShitPart3 and XBoxWhatever. The reason for this oversight being that up until last month,Burnout 2 was the only one ever made available for a Nintendo console. Which kind of sucks actually because it’s probably in my top ten or so favorite GameCube games of all time. Being a stubborn ass Nintendo loyalist aint all glamor, kids. Luckily however it turns out that good things do indeed come to those who wait because Need For Speed: Most Wanted for Wii U is here. A game that is so unbelievably awesome, I feel like no number of praise worthy paragraphs will do it justice. Which is actually a good thing because we here at Nintendorks don’t really like typing all that much.

Great Work Boys, However You Skipped Over One VERY Important...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 01:49:00 -0400

Great Work Boys, However You Skipped Over One VERY Important Detail:

Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island Part 3 is headed to the 3DS! Y’know, the series that began with the stone cold classic SNES original, had a sub-par “spiritual” successor on the Nintendo 64 and an even more disappointing official follow up for the DS? The games that allow you to control a sweet little Yoshi as he protects a loudmouth baby Mario through levels that look like they were drawn by an 8 year old…

Hello?

…

Guys?

*tap tap tap*

Is this thing on?

That’s cool and all, Travis, but EARTHBOUND IS COMING TO VIRTUAL...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 01:47:00 -0400

That’s cool and all, Travis, but EARTHBOUND IS COMING TO VIRTUAL CONSOLE!

I mean, don’t get me wrong, a new Zelda game in the same Hyrule as A Link to the Past? That’s pretty great. Truly. I emphatically look forward to it. Never mind that shit, here comes Mongo EarthBound! As the final announcement from Iwata’s worldwide portion of today’s Nintendo Direct the supreme lord and commander [Click here to read more!]